


even when the night changes

by kagstsukki (SkylarkOfTheMoon)



Series: Blueberries and Strawberries [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Family Issues, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, M/M, Mentions of neglect, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-03 01:46:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8691691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkylarkOfTheMoon/pseuds/kagstsukki
Summary: Tsukishima told him quietly but firmly that if he ever needed some company he was always welcome to stay at his house.His mom left again. His dad hasn't called for a week. The house was empty and quiet. He was all alone and there's panic crawling up his throat. 
  A King is always destined to rule alone.
Kageyama swallows down the loneliness that threatens to consume him and calls Tsukishima.





	1. even when the night changes

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Support](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5828356) by [dboys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dboys/pseuds/dboys). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I try to angst.

His mother left two hours ago. 

Sometimes he sees her when he gets home--a pale woman with a haunted look in her eyes and alcohol-scented breath. Most of the time she just ups and leaves without even leaving a note or money for dinner, which means another night of cold yakisoba for Kageyama. 

He huddles into the sofa, a blanket over his shoulders and his measly dinner half-eaten on the coffee table. He stares disinterestedly at the TV screen where an old cartoon is playing. As he watches the colorful characters on the screen interact with each other with big, exaggerated smiles on their faces, coldness gnaws at his chest. 

On a rare occasion where his mother was sober, she said that coldness was called loneliness, an emotion she herself was familiar with. 

(Kageyama doesn't hate his mother. He couldn't hate her for something she has no control of. Whenever his mother returns home he'd always tuck her into bed and leave some sort of breakfast on their kitchen table.)

Outside of the volleyball team, Kageyama spends most of his time alone. Not out of choice. He didn't choose for his dad to work overseas. He didn't choose for his mom to be only good at taking of herself. He didn't choose to be socially inept and have people scared at him. 

Kageyama turns off the TV, plunging the room into a stifling silence. If he listens carefully, he can hear the hum of the airconditioning, footsteps outside his house, a cat meowing as he clangs inside a bin and his next-door neighbor shouting at it. 

His thoughts press against him, threatening to swallow him whole. The coldness in his chest spreads all over his body, numbing his senses and the thin blanket on his shoulders does nothing against it. 

Stop that, he tells himself. I am not lonely. I'm not. This is nothing new. You're used to being alone anyway. 

Yes, he's used to it. 

But it doesn't mean he likes it. 

With slightly trembling hands, he reaches for his phone and dials a number. 

-

Tsukishima's house is generally a noisy place. He hears his mother singing to herself, pans sizzling in the kitchen, the door opening, his father saying i'm home, his mother responding welcome back and Akiteru loudly talking with someone on the phone. 

It's noisy, noisy with life, constantly reminding Kei that he is not alone. 

Then, another noise enters the fray—his phone beeping, a familiar beat starting, Lorde's voice filling his room with lyrics that speaks of royals, a tune specially reserved for someone. 

Tsukishima doesn't sit up from his bed. He reaches a hand over to his bedside table and he answers the call, putting the caller on speaker. 

“King,” he greets. “To what do I owe the honor? Stuck on a homework question again?”

The teasing is easy and familiar. He already expects the angry retort from the other side, but all Kageyama lets out is a shaky sigh. 

“Shut up. Just--,” he inhales,”--listen for a moment. Please?”

 _That_ makes Tsukishima sit up. Rarely does Kageyama use the word 'please.' He looks at the clock on his bedside table. It's close to 9pm. Kageyama is usually asleep by now so he can get his eight hours and still wake up early for his morning run. Why was he calling Tsukishima of all people at this time? 

“What is it?”

“Remember that time?” he says, not exactly answering his question. “When we...fought over our families and you said-”

He pauses and Tsukishima could feel the hesitation in his voice. 

“Actually never mind. It's stupid. I don't think you even remember. Sorry, I'll just--”

“I remember,” Tsukishima confesses. 

It happened only a few weeks ago, after the Shiratorizawa match. They had a scuffle about Akiteru watching to support Kei, about Kei not appreciating that and Kageyama lashing out at him for taking it for granted. He remembered cornering Kageyama at the locker room and apologizing-well, not apologizing since Kageyama didn't hold him at fault-and Kageyama apologizing in turn. 

He remembers his promise. 

He told Kageyama quietly but firmly, that he's welcome to spend the night at his house if he ever needs company. Kageyama accepted it hesitantly, as if he didn't quite believe that Tsukishima meant it. 

“Where are you right now?”

“I'm still at my house. I didn't actually think...”

He didn't have to finish his sentence. Tsukishima has a good guess. He didn't think Tsukishima would remember. He thought that those words weeks ago were just throwaway words out of pity or a misplaced sense of guilt. He doesn't know that Tsukishima meant it then and he still meant it now. 

“Do you need directions?” 

Kageyama makes a surprised noise. “I...I can come over?”

“Of course.” Tsukishima stands up and starts making his way downstairs. “I'll text you how to get to my house. Pack a toothbrush, sleeping clothes and bring your homework too. I might as well tutor you while we're at it.” 

“You sound like a mom,” Kageyama says, amused.

“Get your ass over here, young man.”

“Yes, yes.”

When Tsukishima hangs up, the chill in Kageyama's bones recedes a little. It's not completely gone, still clinging to him in bits and pieces of himself, but there's a warmth that wasn't there before. It starts in his cheeks and the tips of his fingers. He revels in that tiny bit of heat before standing up and getting ready to stay over at Tsukishima's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued...
> 
> Part 2: it will never change me and you


	2. it will never change you and me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama is used to throwaway words, empty promises made to the kid who keeps clinging onto people that will only let him down in the end. His dad promised to come home more often. His mom promised not to go home drunk anymore.
> 
> Lies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your support! I really appreciate it. Here's to an awesome TsukkiKageWeek! (*^▽^*)

"Tsukishima?"

 

"King, I've been waiting. Where are y-"

 

"I think I'm lost."

 

"..."

 

"..."

 

Tsukishima sighs. "Text me some landmarks. See you."

-

Kageyama adjusts the scarf wrapped around his neck. The December chill settles itself over him like a blanket, freezing his limbs unless he keeps them moving. He is dressed in the warmest clothes he can find and by his feet is his school bag and an overnight bag, filled with everything he may need to stay over at Tsukishima's.

 

He still can't quite believe that Tsukishima kept his promise. Kageyama is used to throwaway words, empty promises made to the kid who keeps clinging onto people that will only let him down in the end. His dad promised to come home more often. His mom promised not to go home drunk anymore.

 

 _Lies._

 

But he remembers another promise.

 

Inside the club room, after another grueling practice, with a person who hated him-

 

_“I don’t hate you…”_

_“You act like it.”_

_“Just take my word for it; I don’t hate you, okay?”_

 

"King"

 

Kageyama looks up and sees Tsukishima walking towards him, dressed in nothing but a shirt, pants and shoes.

 

He frowns when he approaches. "Are you an idiot?"

 

Tsukishima scowls. "I really don't know what to feel about an idiot calling me an idiot."

 

Kageyama steps closer until there's only a foot of space between them. He tugs off the scarf from his neck and starts wrapping it around Tsukishima.

 

"What-" Tsukishima sounds breathless, cheeks flushed. "What do you think you're doing?"

 

"We're on the verge of winter. You'll freeze to death if you don't wear proper clothing." He steps back and the tilts his head, observing Tsukishima. "Better."

 

Tsukishima looks away, suddenly feeling hot. "Let's just go already."

 

They've only walked for three minutes when Tsukishima's house came into view. Kageyama has never seen it before. It's smaller than his and more on the traditional side. There are already Christmas lights hanging from it, blinking gold under the night sky.

 

Tsukishima pulls out a key from his pockets while Kageyama stares at the pretty, little wreath hanging on the door.

 

"Hey, you're not allergic to any animals are you?"

 

"No? Why are you asking?"

 

Tsukishima pushes the door open and something small and furry comes running and leaps on top of Kageyama.

 

-

 

Kageyama looks in awe as the kitten licks at his fingers. It's a calico with gray, white and brown fur and a broken ear. Bright green eyes look up at Kageyama as she nuzzles against his palm and licks it.

 

They're sitting out on the porch, leading out to the backyard. Kageyama has the cat curled up in his lap while Tsukishima watches them with a soft smile on his face.

 

"I didn't know you own a cat."

 

"It's Akiteru's, but she likes me better." Tsukishima reaches over to stroke her fur. "Isn't that right, Inu?"

 

Kageyama snorts. "Inu? You named your cat 'dog'?"

 

"She acts more like a dog than a cat. She pounces on people, likes playing fetch and she yips at other cats too."

 

Kageyama laughs. Tsukishima's fingers stop stroking Inu to stare at him.

 

"I've never heard you laugh before." _Up-close_ , he mentally adds.

 

"That's because I don't have a reason to laugh that often." There's a dejected tone in Kageyama's voice that shouldn't hurt Tsukishima as much as it does, though he quickly cheers up when Inu licks Kageyama's palm and mewls against his hand. Kageyama looks down at her, face soft and fond and with a small smile on his lips. Inu climbs further up in his lap, paws resting on his stomach like a dog might. Kageyama plays with her paws, pulling her up a little closer and Inu licks Kageyama's nose.

 

Had Tsukishima not been Tsukishima he would have squealed at the sight.

 

He is saved by his mom calling them for dinner and he stands up to help her set the table. Kageyama follows him, cradling Inu in his arms, giggling as she bats at his nose with her tiny paws.

 

 _Don't squeal, don't squeal, don't squeal,_ Tsukishima repeats to himself.

 

-

 

Tsukishima can't get the image of Kageyama smiling out of his head.

 

It's the one of the few times he's seen him happy outside of volleyball. It keeps happening during dinner too, when Akiteru makes a joke or when his mother offers him seconds, Kageyama's lips would twitch into a small smile. There's a longing in his gaze when he watches Tsukishima's family and it makes Tsukishima wonder when was the last time he ever ate dinner with other people.

 

There's a touch on his elbow and Tsukishima meets his father's knowing gaze. He feels Kageyama's gaze on them when his father starts gesturing with his hands.

 

 _Kei, what about Tobio-kun's family?_ he signs.

 

Tsukishima starts signing back and Akiteru asks Kageyama if he wants to help him set-up the guest futon, steering him away from the conversation.

 

_Dad abroad. Mom not around._

 

His father frowns. Always alone?

 

Thoughts of the Karasuno volleyball team come to mind, images of Hinata breaking down those high walls around Kageyama and the team following suit. He smiles unconsciously. For as much as he is called 'the solitary king' that name no longer applies right now.

 

 _Not anymore,_ Tsukishima signs. _The team helps._

 

His father smiles. _I see. Volleyball good for you both._ He pauses. _Tell Tobio-kun he welcome to stay anytime._

 

So his father noticed it too. Kageyama was tip-toing around them earlier, unsure if he was just intruding or not, unsure how to adapt to this unfamiliar environment. His father is assuring him he isn't and that Kei can tell him so.

 

_I will. Thank you Dad._

 

And because Kageyama or Akiteru isn't here to see him, Tsukishima wraps his father into a loose hug before going up to his room.

 

-

 

They decide to shower and change into their pajamas before studying. Tsukishima is doing his homework on his bed while Kageyama does his on the futon set up on the floor.

 

After a few minutes of quiet between them, Tsukishima looks up. Something feels different. Usually Kageyama would ask him about every question and there would be a kind of cute scrunch to his nose when he stared at his homework as if challenging it to a duel. Right now, he's unexpectedly quiet and focused on his work.

 

“Who are you and what have you done to the King?”

 

Kageyama frowns up at him from where he’s laying on the futon with his homework. “I’m not sure either.”

 

“Really? You just happen to be smarter all of a sudden?”

 

“No, it’s more like.” Kageyama looks around Tsukishima’s room, at the the dinosaur collection on the desk, the neatly arranged books on the shelf and the mini stereo plugged in the wall. “It’s the environment I guess. I don’t know how to explain it.”

 

“Where do you usually study at your house?’

 

“Um...on my bed? I mostly end up sleeping though. My desk is usually too messy to study on.”

 

Tsukishima gets a contemplative look on his face. “I think I have an idea what’s going on. You can’t study on your bed because you associate it with sleeping. And you can’t study at the club room or at Ukai-san’s shop because you associate both with volleyball. Does that sound right?”

 

“I guess it makes sense.”

 

“Putting you in a new environment must be why you’re suddenly sufficient.”

 

“Oh…” Kageyama is staring at Tsukishima in innocent wonder, like he’s Hinata who just complimented him earnestly or he’s Inu and just did something cute. He’s not used to having Kageyama look at him like that. It both unnerves him and makes him happy at the same time.

 

Tsukishima looks off to the side. “Looks like the only way for you pass tests is for you to study in a different place other than your house and at school.”

 

“Then, I’ll just study here with you.”

 

“W-What?” It must have been the wrong reaction because Kageyama flinches and quickly backtracks.

 

“I-I mean if it’s okay with you. I can always just go to Hinata’s even if his house is too far, or Yachi-san’s maybe. And there’s a cafe near our house that’s open all the time any-”

 

“No!” It comes out to forceful so he clears his throat and tries again. “I was just surprised. I didn’t think you liked being around me.”

 

“I used to,” Kageyama says honestly. “But it’s different now.”

 

“Different how?”

 

Kageyama suddenly turns red and it’s his turn to avoid Tsukishima’s gaze. “You’re kinda nice. When you try.”

 

Tsukishima is glad he’s looking away so Kageyama couldn’t see how he also turned red at the words. “Thanks. I think.”

 

Kageyama looks up at him again. Tsukishima rubs at his nose to hide the visible flush on them. “So is it really alright for me to be here?”

 

“Of course.” He remembers something from earlier. “My Dad actually wanted me to tell you that you’re welcome here any time.”

 

“Really?” Kageyama looks hopeful, surprised. “He said that?”

 

Tsukishima nods. “And my mom likes you. So does Akiteru. And I-” _I like you too, even if you’re a volleyball idiot._ “-Inu likes you too. I think you’re her new favorite. Should I be jealous?”

 

“Don’t worry. I won’t steal your cat.” Kageyama starts clearing away his books and notes. Tsukishima starts to do the same. “Plus, Mom won’t let me keep her anyway.”

 

“Is she allergic to cats?”

 

“No.” Kageyama pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them, looking small all of a sudden. “She’s just not good at taking care of others.” _Of me_ , is the unspoken thought that makes Tsukishima feel protective for some reason. “I don’t think adding a cat to our house will be beneficial. I wonder how she’s doing right now though. I hope she got home safely.”

 

Tsukishima raises an eyebrow. “You’re still worried about her? Even after all that?”

 

“Of course. She’s my mother. I love her.” Kageyama perches his chin on his knees.”It’s my fault she’s like this.”

 

“How...How can you say that?”

 

“I’m not enough.” Kageyama says it like he’s so sure of himself that it makes Tsukishima’s heart shatter hearing those words from him. “I’m not enough to give her a reason to stop drinking. I’m not enough to fill her loneliness when Dad left. I just...I just wish I could do something more. I wish I’m enough for her.”

 

Kageyama buries his pinched face on his knees, the most vulnerable Tsukishima has ever seen him.

 

It would have been the perfect time to say _‘you’re enough for me’,_ confess his love and end it with a kiss just like in the romance movies, but it sounds absurd to him. One declaration of love is not enough to fill years of loneliness and longing. Tsukishima wants to help him, but not like this, not by taking advantage of his vulnerable state. They deserve more than that. Kageyama deserves more than that.

 

“Come up here.”

 

Kageyama looks up. “What?”

 

“I said come up here.” Tsukishima moves across his bed, scooting against the wall.

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know. Comfort? All I know is that the look on your face right now doesn’t suit you. I want to help.”

 

Kageyama doesn’t move for a few seconds and Tsukishima is about to snap at him when he suddenly stands up and just walks away.

 

 _Shit._ He screwed up, didn’t he? Maybe he should have handled it more delicately. Maybe he misread everything. Maybe Kageyama still thinks he’s too much of an asshole to actually want to help. Maybe-

 

-maybe Kageyama just stood up to switch off the lights.

 

He walks back and places a knee on Tsukishima’s bed, hesitating. Tsukishima has had enough of waiting and just grabs his hand to yank him forward.

 

It’s hard trying to fit two grown boys on one bed. Tsukishima ends up on his back with Kageyama half on top of him. Kageyama’s hand is curled shyly against his chest, ears red and cheeks flushed.

 

“I know what I said doesn’t help much-”

 

“I’m still glad you said it.”

 

“Shush. I’m talking.” Tsukishima pinches him by the waist and he yelps, glaring up at him. “I’m not trying to change anything. I don’t even know where to begin, but I’m here for you, okay? The team is here for you too. We won’t let you be the solitary King again.”

 

It’s too much. Probably. The small smile Kageyama gives him is worth it though.

 

“You’re kind of a sap.”

 

“Fight me.”

 

They stay like that for a few seconds just absorbing each other’s presence. Kageyama eases the hand on Tsukishima’s chest until his palm is flat and he can feel the other’s steady heartbeat beneath them.

 

It’s in that moment that they come to the same realization. They’re friends. Maybe neither of them would admit to the other yet, but it’s the undeniable truth. A bridge was already built from the moment they met and now it’s finished, connecting the two of them not just as teammates but also as friends.

 

(However, Tsukishima has no plans of letting them stay friends for long. For now, he’ll let Kageyama control the pace of their newfound friendship. Letting him figure it out is better than being outright and possibly confusing him with so many new feelings at once.)

 

You can’t force someone to fall, you just let them fall on their own accord. Until that day comes, Tsukishima will patiently wait for him on the other side.

 

“Tsukishima?’

 

“Yes, King?”

 

Kageyama’s voice is soft, almost a whisper. “Thank you for letting me stay.”

 

Tsukishima reaches up and squeezes the hand on his chest. Their palms are warm where they meet.

 

“Thank you for staying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama-Tsukishima Family Headcanons
> 
> Kageyama: His parents are divorced. His Dad works abroad and still sends child support money. He loves Tobio, but he can't visit him often. The divorce was particularly for his Mom who resorted to drinking to fill her loneliness. She's out most of the time so Tobio had to become independent early on. 
> 
> Tsukishima: His Dad is deaf and communicates via JSL. He can still talk but he doesn't do it often. Their Mom taught Kei and Akiteru know how to sign. 
> 
> Next tsukkikage project: I'm working on a multi-chapter tsukkikage wedding and I'll also be participating in Kageyama Rare Pair Week in January so keep an eye for that~


End file.
